Dear Mr. Blue,

I’m a single 51-year-old who’s been enjoying the outdoorsy life in Denver for the past fifteen years. I have a nice condo, good friends, a great job in the tech industry. Up until a month ago I thought I had the ideal life—and then my lover of eight years left me for another woman. He said he’d met her through friends and that they’d “clicked” in some magical way he’d never felt before. After he told me, he still slept at my condo that night (albeit in the guest room), and then he was gone the next morning.

I feel like absolute shit. How could I have been so stupid to invest my forties in this man? Looking back, I can see some red flags that I should have paid attention to: we never travelled together, we had no mutual friends, he never introduced me to his two grown children in California. I’m a highly-educated professional woman but this sudden breakup, and my lack of foresight, has me feeling like I’m 13 years old. How do I piece my life back together?

Immature Ph.D 

Dear Immature,

When in shock, take short views. Think about today and tonight, and maybe tomorrow, and don’t try to look down the road. First of all, this man was not the source of your happiness, you were, and you will be again, you and your spirit and your guiding angels. So expel this man. Destroy whatever stuff he left behind, erase his emails, burn his letters, burn the pillowcase from his side of the bed, boil the sheets and towels, destroy whatever coffee cup you associate with him. Try fasting for a day or two, no meat, no sweets, while making plans for a celebratory feast with friends in the near future. Cut yourself off from alcohol as much as possible. And make yourself pray for freedom from memory, from longing, from sorrow. Take it as it comes, take it slowly. Get your sleep, a simple crucial thing. A person often emerges from sleep with keen insights that might not otherwise come. Among your circle of friends, you’ll know which one or two can be helpful to you: trust them and don’t burden the others. If, in six months, you don’t feel yourself moving forward, you might think about seeking professional help, but I’d try this first.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have been single most of my life out of preference and a lack of interest in most people who are interested in me. Periodically, though, I’ll use online dating services or apps to get out there and meet new people. A few months ago, I met a guy on Match.com and was pleasantly surprised that he was interesting, polite, sensitive, and extremely handsome in person. We started seeing each other casually—once a week or less. We have great chemistry together, but the way he speaks to me via text routinely disturbs me. He has made semi-lewd comments about my friends, made belittling “jokes” about my work, and then said stuff like “you know I’m a good guy” when I’ve expressed my concern about those things. (Side note: I don’t appreciate being told what I know or feel.)

It’s weird because in all other communications, he’s respectful. He never acts like I owe him anything, which is refreshing as I’ve mostly dated rather needy men in the past. But I can’t get over my knee-jerk reactions to the way he uses his words—I’m an English major and a big believer in the way that your words subconsciously reveal your true feelings. So…is he right that I’m overreacting, or am I right that there’s something “off” about this guy that he can’t explain away by saying I’m misunderstanding his intentions?

-Apparently Crazy

Dear Apparently,

Don’t text with him. Put up a message: “Sorry, I’m offline. Send a VM instead.” Don’t discuss with him whether he’s “off” or not. Too complicated, too tedious, too absurd. If he bothers you, throw him back in the pool and enjoy your solitude.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have a very demanding job that includes daily stress related to somewhat difficult personalities and high-level execs. I do my best to make everyone happy while getting my work done, and overall I love it, but I need some rest & relaxation when I get home to help balance it out. My husband, in the meantime, has a less stressful job and usually gets home hours before I do. Yet, when I come home around 7pm, he is often waiting at the kitchen table for a dinner that he expects me to make! What is this, the 1950s?! Why isn’t my husband taking initiative here? Do I really need to ask him to do something so obvious?

This isn’t a huge deal, but it’s been getting on my nerves more and more as my job has become more stressful of late. How can I address this matter sensitively? (Or do I even need to be sensitive about it?)

-Tired and Hungry

 Dear Tired,

Go to the store and buy a couple dozen frozen dinners, edible ones, and some frozen pizzas. Buy simple salad makings. Text him when you’re ready to head home: “Darling, could you please make dinner for us tonight from the freezer. Make a salad too if you’d like. Or order take-out. Thanks.” The key to this is the “Thanks.” That’s the magic word that makes the world turn.