Spider

I am the man who takes out the garbage,
It’s a husband’s job, I know.
To take care of bees and catastrophes
Such as toilets that overflow
The dead mice and rats who lie in the traps
I’m the one who carries them outdoors
I walk around with my hand in a baggie
Following this dog of yours.

You married a farmboy cause we are not fazed
By hair in the traps in the sinks
Or bats that come flapping at night when you’re napping
Or anything ugly that stinks.
I’m your dog-walking rat-catcher spider-mashing lover
And at night we climb up the stair
And we join hands in an elegant dance
And we fly away through the air.

Poets are nice, so are theologians
Who know about predestination
And singers are fun but you need someone
Who can take care of sanitation.
A man who can grab a rat by the tail
Without bothering to put on a glove
He may not talk about Rilke or Bach
But he’s someone a woman can love.

When your high-toned eye-rolling ladida companions
Look at me and say, “Who’s he?
Who’s the guy with the work gloves carrying the bucket
Who smells of dog poop and pee.
You say “He’s my lover, my beautiful lover,
For years we enjoyed an affair
And in a few hours, after he showers,
We’ll go flying off through the air.

Life is replete with small tawdry details,
Death and disease and distress,
Dogs come and pee and kill the nasturtiums
But life is good nonetheless
Take your dog-walking rat-catcher, spider-mashing lover
Wash him, put flowers in his hair
Pour a glass of wine, sit down and dine
On a salad and a sirloin steak (rare)
Enjoy your food with a Chopin etude
And then climb up the stair
And you can join hands in an elegant dance
And go flying off through the air.

Oh yes — he manages the small tawdry details of life
And then he astonishes his wife.

A series of poems read by Garrison

Garrison’s Weekly Column

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I am the man who takes out the garbage,
It’s a husband’s job, I know.
To take care of bees and catastrophes
Such as toilets that overflow
The dead mice and rats who lie in the traps
I’m the one who carries them outdoors
I walk around with my hand in a baggie
Following this dog of yours.

You married a farmboy cause we are not fazed
By hair in the traps in the sinks
Or bats that come flapping at night when you’re napping
Or anything ugly that stinks.
I’m your dog-walking rat-catcher spider-mashing lover
And at night we climb up the stair
And we join hands in an elegant dance
And we fly away through the air.

Poets are nice, so are theologians
Who know about predestination
And singers are fun but you need someone
Who can take care of sanitation.
A man who can grab a rat by the tail
Without bothering to put on a glove
He may not talk about Rilke or Bach
But he’s someone a woman can love.

When your high-toned eye-rolling ladida companions
Look at me and say, “Who’s he?
Who’s the guy with the work gloves carrying the bucket
Who smells of dog poop and pee.
You say “He’s my lover, my beautiful lover,
For years we enjoyed an affair
And in a few hours, after he showers,
We’ll go flying off through the air.

Life is replete with small tawdry details,
Death and disease and distress,
Dogs come and pee and kill the nasturtiums
But life is good nonetheless
Take your dog-walking rat-catcher, spider-mashing lover
Wash him, put flowers in his hair
Pour a glass of wine, sit down and dine
On a salad and a sirloin steak (rare)
Enjoy your food with a Chopin etude
And then climb up the stair
And you can join hands in an elegant dance
And go flying off through the air.

Oh yes — he manages the small tawdry details of life
And then he astonishes his wife.

Link test

And it’s the birthday of author John Boyne (books by this author), born in Dublin in 1971. He knew he wanted to be a writer ever since he was about 14, and after college, where he studied literature and creative writing, he took a job at Waterstone’s bookstore in Dublin. He’d write for a few hours each morning, […]

Read More

Pricing

The cruise cabin pricing will range between $2,200 and $5,200 per person. This fare includes taxes, port and fuel, onboard cabin service charges/gratuities.   Please reserve your cabin via the EMI website

Read More

House band?

House band, led by Richard Dworsky, will include Chris Siebold, Larry Kohut, et. al. Richard Dworsky  Richard Dworsky is a versatile keyboardist/composer/recording artist/producer/music director, and is known for his amazing ability to improvise compositions on the spot in virtually any style. For 23 years (1993-2016), he served as pianist and music director for Garrison Keillor’s […]

Read More
August 25, 2001

August 25, 2001

A May 27, 2000, rebroadcast from The Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, with special guests Butch Thompson, and Kathy Mattea and her band.
Listen to the episode here

Read More
July 12, 2008

July 12, 2008

A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

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What I saw in Vienna that the others didn’t

I was in Vienna with my wife and daughter last week and walked around the grand boulevards and plazas surrounded by imperial Habsburg grandeur feeling senselessly happy for reasons not quite clear to me but they didn’t involve alcohol. Nor paintings and statuary purchased with the sweat of working men and women. Nor the fact that to read about the daily insanity of Mr. Bluster I would need to learn German.

The sun was shining though the forecast had been for showers. I was holding hands with two women I love. There was excellent coffee in the vicinity, one had only to take deep breaths. Every other doorway seemed to be a Konditorei with a window full of cakes, tarts, pastries of all sizes and descriptions, a carnival of whipped cream and frosting, nuts and fruit. A person could easily gain fifty pounds in a single day and need to be hauled away in a wheelbarrow.

Read More

A good vacation, now time to head home

I missed out on the week our failing president, Borderline Boy, got depantsed by the news coverage of crying children he’d thrown into federal custody and a day later he ran up the white flag with another of his executive exclamations, meanwhile the Chinese are quietly tying his shoelaces together. Sad! I was in London and Prague, where nobody asks us about him: they can see that he is insane and hope he doesn’t set fire to himself with small children present.

London was an experience. I landed there feeling ill and was hauled off to Chelsea hospital where a doctor sat me down and asked, “Can you wee?” I didn’t hear the extra e so it was like he’d said, “Can she us?” or “Will they him?”

Read More

Man takes wife to Europe by ship

A man in love needs to think beyond his own needs and so I took my wife across the Atlantic last week aboard the mighty Queen Mary 2 for six days of glamor and elegance, which means little to me, being an old evangelical from the windswept prairie, brought up to eschew luxury and accept deprivation as God’s will, but she is Episcopalian and grew up in a home where her mother taught piano, Chopin and Liszt, so my wife appreciates Art Deco salons and waiters with polished manners serving her a lobster soufflé and an $18 glass of Chablis. If Cary Grant were to sit down and offer her a Tareyton, she’d hold his hand with the lighter and enjoy a cigarette with him.

Read More

A summer night in the Big Apple Blossom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More

Old man at the prom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More
A Prairie Home Companion An Evening of Story and Song Love & Comedy Tour Solo The Gratitude Tour
Schedule
Radio
A Prairie Home Companion: test only

A Prairie Home Companion: test only

A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

Read More
A Prairie Home Companion: September 10, 2011

A Prairie Home Companion: September 10, 2011

A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

Read More
A Prairie Home Companion: September 8, 2007

A Prairie Home Companion: September 8, 2007

It’s all about school in this week’s special compilation from the archives, so please remember your number two pencils and spiral bound notebooks. There will be a quiz.

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A Prairie Home Companion: July 12, 2008

A Prairie Home Companion: July 12, 2008

A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

Read More

The Writer’s Almanac for August 24, 2018

It was on this day in the year 410 that Rome was sacked by the Visigoths. It was the first time in 800 years that Rome was successfully invaded.

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I Think of You – 7/2/2016

I’m With Her (Sara Watkins, Sarah Jarosz, and Aoife O’Donovan) sing Utah Phillips’ “I Think of You” during our July 2, 2016 broadcast from the Hollywood Bowl.

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The Writer’s Almanac for July 15, 2018

The Writer’s Almanac for July 15, 2018

It’s the birthday of French philosopher Jacques Derrida, who founded the literary analysis technique known as deconstruction and who famously proclaimed that “there is nothing outside the text.”

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The Writer’s Almanac for July 14, 2018

The Writer’s Almanac for July 14, 2018

Today is the birthday of Woody Guthrie (born 1912), who once wrote a song about Billy the Kid. Coincidentally, today is the anniversary of the day Billy the Kid was shot and killed by Sheriff Pat Garrett in 1881 in New Mexico Territory.

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The Writer’s Almanac for July 13, 2018

The Writer’s Almanac for July 13, 2018

Today is the 41st anniversary of the 1977 blackout in New York City. It is also the birthday of poet John Clare, whose poem “The Sweetest Woman There” is featured in today’s episode. In 1840, Clare was committed to the Northampton General Lunatic Asylum, where he wrote some of his best poetry.

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The Writer’s Almanac for July 12, 2018

The Writer’s Almanac for July 12, 2018

Birthdays for today include those of Pablo Neruda, Henry David Thoreau, Julius Caesar, and Donald Westlake, who was such a prolific mystery writer that he used multiple pen names–Richard Stark, Curt Clark, Timothy J. Culver, and more–to circumvent his publisher’s reluctance to publish multiple titles per year by a single author.

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Writing

Link test

And it’s the birthday of author John Boyne (books by this author), born in Dublin in 1971. He knew he wanted to be a writer ever since he was about 14, and after college, where he studied literature and creative writing, he took a job at Waterstone’s bookstore in Dublin. He’d write for a few hours each morning, […]

Read More

Pricing

The cruise cabin pricing will range between $2,200 and $5,200 per person. This fare includes taxes, port and fuel, onboard cabin service charges/gratuities.   Please reserve your cabin via the EMI website

Read More

House band?

House band, led by Richard Dworsky, will include Chris Siebold, Larry Kohut, et. al. Richard Dworsky  Richard Dworsky is a versatile keyboardist/composer/recording artist/producer/music director, and is known for his amazing ability to improvise compositions on the spot in virtually any style. For 23 years (1993-2016), he served as pianist and music director for Garrison Keillor’s […]

Read More
August 25, 2001

August 25, 2001

A May 27, 2000, rebroadcast from The Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, with special guests Butch Thompson, and Kathy Mattea and her band.
Listen to the episode here

Read More
July 12, 2008

July 12, 2008

A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

Read More

What I saw in Vienna that the others didn’t

I was in Vienna with my wife and daughter last week and walked around the grand boulevards and plazas surrounded by imperial Habsburg grandeur feeling senselessly happy for reasons not quite clear to me but they didn’t involve alcohol. Nor paintings and statuary purchased with the sweat of working men and women. Nor the fact that to read about the daily insanity of Mr. Bluster I would need to learn German.

The sun was shining though the forecast had been for showers. I was holding hands with two women I love. There was excellent coffee in the vicinity, one had only to take deep breaths. Every other doorway seemed to be a Konditorei with a window full of cakes, tarts, pastries of all sizes and descriptions, a carnival of whipped cream and frosting, nuts and fruit. A person could easily gain fifty pounds in a single day and need to be hauled away in a wheelbarrow.

Read More

A good vacation, now time to head home

I missed out on the week our failing president, Borderline Boy, got depantsed by the news coverage of crying children he’d thrown into federal custody and a day later he ran up the white flag with another of his executive exclamations, meanwhile the Chinese are quietly tying his shoelaces together. Sad! I was in London and Prague, where nobody asks us about him: they can see that he is insane and hope he doesn’t set fire to himself with small children present.

London was an experience. I landed there feeling ill and was hauled off to Chelsea hospital where a doctor sat me down and asked, “Can you wee?” I didn’t hear the extra e so it was like he’d said, “Can she us?” or “Will they him?”

Read More

Man takes wife to Europe by ship

A man in love needs to think beyond his own needs and so I took my wife across the Atlantic last week aboard the mighty Queen Mary 2 for six days of glamor and elegance, which means little to me, being an old evangelical from the windswept prairie, brought up to eschew luxury and accept deprivation as God’s will, but she is Episcopalian and grew up in a home where her mother taught piano, Chopin and Liszt, so my wife appreciates Art Deco salons and waiters with polished manners serving her a lobster soufflé and an $18 glass of Chablis. If Cary Grant were to sit down and offer her a Tareyton, she’d hold his hand with the lighter and enjoy a cigarette with him.

Read More

A summer night in the Big Apple Blossom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More

Old man at the prom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More

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