I’m a Lutheran

Hello from Minnesota. You call it pasta, we call it macaroni, and thank you very much, yes, I believe I will have more. And

I was raised in Iowa, went to Concordia,
Swedish, I’m proud to say.
Got a job at Lutheran Brotherhood,
And I never was sick one day.
Bought a house in south Minneapolis
Over by Cedar Lake
If you ask me this latest merger
Was nothing but a big mistake.
Now I have nothing against Episcopalians
I believe in an open door
I’m sure it’s good to get new ideas
But we never did it that way before.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

We are a modest people
And we never make a fuss
And it sure would be a better world
If they were all as modest as us.
We do not go for whooping it up,
Or a lot of yikkety-yak.
When we say hello, we avert our eyes
And we always sit in the back.
We sit in the pew where we always sit,
And we do not shout Amen.
And if anyone yells or waves their hands,
They’re not invited back again.
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

We’ve got chow mein noodles on tuna hotdish
And Jello with cottage cheese,
And chocolate bars and banana cream pie,
No wonder we’re on our knees.
This is the church where we sing Amen
At the end of every song.
The coffee pot is always on
Cause the meetings are three hours long.
The blessed tie that binds our hearts
Is cream of mushroom soup
We do not walk through the door alone.
We wait and go as a group.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

Episcopalians are proud of their faith,
You ought to hear em talk
Who they got? They got Henry the 8th
And we got J.S. Bach.
Henry the 8th he had six wives
Trying to make a son.
J.S Bach had 23 children
And wives, he had just one.
Henry the 8th’d marry a woman
And then her head would drop
J.S. Bach had all those kids
Cause his organ had no stop.
Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don’t mind
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

Once in awhile we go to shows
But a Lutheran is not a fan.
We don’t whistle and we don’t laugh
We smile as loud as we can.
If you come to church, don’t expect to be hugged,
Don’t expect your hand to be shook.
If we need to know who you are,
We can look in the visitors book.
I was raised to keep a lid on it,
Guard what you say or do.
A Mighty Fortress is our God
So he must be Lutheran too.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don’t mind
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

A series of poems read by Garrison

Garrison’s Weekly Column

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Hello from Minnesota. You call it pasta, we call it macaroni, and thank you very much, yes, I believe I will have more. And

I was raised in Iowa, went to Concordia,
Swedish, I’m proud to say.
Got a job at Lutheran Brotherhood,
And I never was sick one day.
Bought a house in south Minneapolis
Over by Cedar Lake
If you ask me this latest merger
Was nothing but a big mistake.
Now I have nothing against Episcopalians
I believe in an open door
I’m sure it’s good to get new ideas
But we never did it that way before.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

We are a modest people
And we never make a fuss
And it sure would be a better world
If they were all as modest as us.
We do not go for whooping it up,
Or a lot of yikkety-yak.
When we say hello, we avert our eyes
And we always sit in the back.
We sit in the pew where we always sit,
And we do not shout Amen.
And if anyone yells or waves their hands,
They’re not invited back again.
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

We’ve got chow mein noodles on tuna hotdish
And Jello with cottage cheese,
And chocolate bars and banana cream pie,
No wonder we’re on our knees.
This is the church where we sing Amen
At the end of every song.
The coffee pot is always on
Cause the meetings are three hours long.
The blessed tie that binds our hearts
Is cream of mushroom soup
We do not walk through the door alone.
We wait and go as a group.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

Episcopalians are proud of their faith,
You ought to hear em talk
Who they got? They got Henry the 8th
And we got J.S. Bach.
Henry the 8th he had six wives
Trying to make a son.
J.S Bach had 23 children
And wives, he had just one.
Henry the 8th’d marry a woman
And then her head would drop
J.S. Bach had all those kids
Cause his organ had no stop.
Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don’t mind
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

Once in awhile we go to shows
But a Lutheran is not a fan.
We don’t whistle and we don’t laugh
We smile as loud as we can.
If you come to church, don’t expect to be hugged,
Don’t expect your hand to be shook.
If we need to know who you are,
We can look in the visitors book.
I was raised to keep a lid on it,
Guard what you say or do.
A Mighty Fortress is our God
So he must be Lutheran too.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I’m a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don’t mind
But I’m a Lutheran til I die.

Link test

And it’s the birthday of author John Boyne (books by this author), born in Dublin in 1971. He knew he wanted to be a writer ever since he was about 14, and after college, where he studied literature and creative writing, he took a job at Waterstone’s bookstore in Dublin. He’d write for a few hours each morning, […]

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The cruise cabin pricing will range between $2,200 and $5,200 per person. This fare includes taxes, port and fuel, onboard cabin service charges/gratuities.   Please reserve your cabin via the EMI website

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House band, led by Richard Dworsky, will include Chris Siebold, Larry Kohut, et. al. Richard Dworsky  Richard Dworsky is a versatile keyboardist/composer/recording artist/producer/music director, and is known for his amazing ability to improvise compositions on the spot in virtually any style. For 23 years (1993-2016), he served as pianist and music director for Garrison Keillor’s […]

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August 25, 2001

August 25, 2001

A May 27, 2000, rebroadcast from The Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, with special guests Butch Thompson, and Kathy Mattea and her band.
Listen to the episode here

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July 12, 2008

A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

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I was in Vienna with my wife and daughter last week and walked around the grand boulevards and plazas surrounded by imperial Habsburg grandeur feeling senselessly happy for reasons not quite clear to me but they didn’t involve alcohol. Nor paintings and statuary purchased with the sweat of working men and women. Nor the fact that to read about the daily insanity of Mr. Bluster I would need to learn German.

The sun was shining though the forecast had been for showers. I was holding hands with two women I love. There was excellent coffee in the vicinity, one had only to take deep breaths. Every other doorway seemed to be a Konditorei with a window full of cakes, tarts, pastries of all sizes and descriptions, a carnival of whipped cream and frosting, nuts and fruit. A person could easily gain fifty pounds in a single day and need to be hauled away in a wheelbarrow.

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I missed out on the week our failing president, Borderline Boy, got depantsed by the news coverage of crying children he’d thrown into federal custody and a day later he ran up the white flag with another of his executive exclamations, meanwhile the Chinese are quietly tying his shoelaces together. Sad! I was in London and Prague, where nobody asks us about him: they can see that he is insane and hope he doesn’t set fire to himself with small children present.

London was an experience. I landed there feeling ill and was hauled off to Chelsea hospital where a doctor sat me down and asked, “Can you wee?” I didn’t hear the extra e so it was like he’d said, “Can she us?” or “Will they him?”

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Man takes wife to Europe by ship

A man in love needs to think beyond his own needs and so I took my wife across the Atlantic last week aboard the mighty Queen Mary 2 for six days of glamor and elegance, which means little to me, being an old evangelical from the windswept prairie, brought up to eschew luxury and accept deprivation as God’s will, but she is Episcopalian and grew up in a home where her mother taught piano, Chopin and Liszt, so my wife appreciates Art Deco salons and waiters with polished manners serving her a lobster soufflé and an $18 glass of Chablis. If Cary Grant were to sit down and offer her a Tareyton, she’d hold his hand with the lighter and enjoy a cigarette with him.

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I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

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Old man at the prom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More
A Prairie Home Companion An Evening of Story and Song Love & Comedy Tour Solo The Gratitude Tour
Schedule
Radio
A Prairie Home Companion: test only

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A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

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A Prairie Home Companion: September 10, 2011

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A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

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A Prairie Home Companion: September 8, 2007

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It’s all about school in this week’s special compilation from the archives, so please remember your number two pencils and spiral bound notebooks. There will be a quiz.

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A Prairie Home Companion: July 12, 2008

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A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

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It was on this day in the year 410 that Rome was sacked by the Visigoths. It was the first time in 800 years that Rome was successfully invaded.

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It’s the birthday of French philosopher Jacques Derrida, who founded the literary analysis technique known as deconstruction and who famously proclaimed that “there is nothing outside the text.”

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The Writer’s Almanac for July 14, 2018

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Today is the birthday of Woody Guthrie (born 1912), who once wrote a song about Billy the Kid. Coincidentally, today is the anniversary of the day Billy the Kid was shot and killed by Sheriff Pat Garrett in 1881 in New Mexico Territory.

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The Writer’s Almanac for July 13, 2018

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Today is the 41st anniversary of the 1977 blackout in New York City. It is also the birthday of poet John Clare, whose poem “The Sweetest Woman There” is featured in today’s episode. In 1840, Clare was committed to the Northampton General Lunatic Asylum, where he wrote some of his best poetry.

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The Writer’s Almanac for July 12, 2018

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Birthdays for today include those of Pablo Neruda, Henry David Thoreau, Julius Caesar, and Donald Westlake, who was such a prolific mystery writer that he used multiple pen names–Richard Stark, Curt Clark, Timothy J. Culver, and more–to circumvent his publisher’s reluctance to publish multiple titles per year by a single author.

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Writing

Link test

And it’s the birthday of author John Boyne (books by this author), born in Dublin in 1971. He knew he wanted to be a writer ever since he was about 14, and after college, where he studied literature and creative writing, he took a job at Waterstone’s bookstore in Dublin. He’d write for a few hours each morning, […]

Read More

Pricing

The cruise cabin pricing will range between $2,200 and $5,200 per person. This fare includes taxes, port and fuel, onboard cabin service charges/gratuities.   Please reserve your cabin via the EMI website

Read More

House band?

House band, led by Richard Dworsky, will include Chris Siebold, Larry Kohut, et. al. Richard Dworsky  Richard Dworsky is a versatile keyboardist/composer/recording artist/producer/music director, and is known for his amazing ability to improvise compositions on the spot in virtually any style. For 23 years (1993-2016), he served as pianist and music director for Garrison Keillor’s […]

Read More
August 25, 2001

August 25, 2001

A May 27, 2000, rebroadcast from The Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, with special guests Butch Thompson, and Kathy Mattea and her band.
Listen to the episode here

Read More
July 12, 2008

July 12, 2008

A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

Read More

What I saw in Vienna that the others didn’t

I was in Vienna with my wife and daughter last week and walked around the grand boulevards and plazas surrounded by imperial Habsburg grandeur feeling senselessly happy for reasons not quite clear to me but they didn’t involve alcohol. Nor paintings and statuary purchased with the sweat of working men and women. Nor the fact that to read about the daily insanity of Mr. Bluster I would need to learn German.

The sun was shining though the forecast had been for showers. I was holding hands with two women I love. There was excellent coffee in the vicinity, one had only to take deep breaths. Every other doorway seemed to be a Konditorei with a window full of cakes, tarts, pastries of all sizes and descriptions, a carnival of whipped cream and frosting, nuts and fruit. A person could easily gain fifty pounds in a single day and need to be hauled away in a wheelbarrow.

Read More

A good vacation, now time to head home

I missed out on the week our failing president, Borderline Boy, got depantsed by the news coverage of crying children he’d thrown into federal custody and a day later he ran up the white flag with another of his executive exclamations, meanwhile the Chinese are quietly tying his shoelaces together. Sad! I was in London and Prague, where nobody asks us about him: they can see that he is insane and hope he doesn’t set fire to himself with small children present.

London was an experience. I landed there feeling ill and was hauled off to Chelsea hospital where a doctor sat me down and asked, “Can you wee?” I didn’t hear the extra e so it was like he’d said, “Can she us?” or “Will they him?”

Read More

Man takes wife to Europe by ship

A man in love needs to think beyond his own needs and so I took my wife across the Atlantic last week aboard the mighty Queen Mary 2 for six days of glamor and elegance, which means little to me, being an old evangelical from the windswept prairie, brought up to eschew luxury and accept deprivation as God’s will, but she is Episcopalian and grew up in a home where her mother taught piano, Chopin and Liszt, so my wife appreciates Art Deco salons and waiters with polished manners serving her a lobster soufflé and an $18 glass of Chablis. If Cary Grant were to sit down and offer her a Tareyton, she’d hold his hand with the lighter and enjoy a cigarette with him.

Read More

A summer night in the Big Apple Blossom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More

Old man at the prom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More

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