Cat, O Cat

Original Publish Date: 2003

Garrison Keillor (with Rich Dworsky on piano) sings “Cat, O Cat”

Watch the video here

Originally from “Mr. Keillor’s Sunday Night Service,” released in 2003 by Prairie Home Productions. Recorded live at the Beverly Arts Center of Chicago.

Buy the full DVD here

Lyrics:

My cat she pleaded and my cat she cried
For me to open the door and let her go outside
Then she sat on the lawn underneath a tree
Pretending that she couldn’t hear me.

Cat, you better come on home
I said, Cat, you better come on home
There’s dogs in the dark waiting to attack
And cat-hawks looking for a late night snack
So Cat, O Cat, you better come on home.

Cat she turned and she tossed her head
“I may or may not come,” she said
“I’m a cat who is deeply dissatisfied
I’ll let you know when I decide.

Cat, you better come on home
I said, Cat, you better come on home
I’ll close this door and lock the bolt
And you’ll spend the night in the snow and cold
So Cat, O Cat, you better come on home.

“I’d rather be a cat who meets a terrible fate
Than live with a man who don’t appreciate
That a cat is independent and a true high brow
And demands a little high-class chow
I’ve seen the food that you feed your guests
The turkey and the tuna and the chicken breasts
And do you share it with your cat? No you don’t, no way!
Not the poached perch liver paté.”

Cat, you better come on home
I said, Cat, you better come on home
I’m not about to stand here and argue with a cat
Now what would the next door neighbor think of that?
So Cat, O Cat, you better come on home.

“Well I never!” she said and arose in a huff
“You’ve seen the last of your old puff.”
She left with a “humph!” and a sardonic laugh
And she left for a year and a half
I felt so bad, full of guilt and shame
I walked around town just calling her name
With a great big plate of Chateaubriand
And some tuna fish in my hand.

Cat, I wish you’d come on home
Cat, I wish you’d come on home
Come on, old Puff, and come home with us
I got a lot of fringe benefits I’d like to discuss
Cat, O Cat, I wish you’d come on home.

I saw her six months later in a cat magazine
The number-one T.V. cat food queen
With a fat contract with a cat food firm
And her hair done up in a perm
I could tell it was Puff though this cat was wrapped
In a white mink coat and her teeth were capped
And she was lying on a beach in the south of Greece
And she’d changed her name to Clarice!

Cat, you’d better come on home
Cat, you’d better come on home
You’re a top cat now and you’re riding high
But they’ll dump you in the river when the well runs dry
Cat, O Cat, you’d better come on home.

Sure enough she came back one day last fall
She was on her last legs, she could barely crawl
With her head and her tail dragging on the ground
For she weighed about sixty-nine pounds
She looked like something the cat dragged in
With her tongue hanging out on her double chin
And great big bags underneath her eyes
And she said “It’s me, surprise!”

Cat, I’m glad you came on home
Cat, I’m glad you came on home
No need to explain, my old cat friend
I’m just glad to have you back again
Cat, O Cat, I’m glad you came on home

I picked her up like a big fur sack
She said “Easy jack, I got a salmon on my back.
I got a big salmon habit and that’s no lie
I gotta go cold turkey on the tuna fish pie.”
If other cats could only know
To hang their hats on the status quo
For the very first thing that a cat can do
Is to make all its dreams come true

Cat, you’d better come on home
Cat, you’d better come on home
If you seek your fortune, nevertheless,
Remember your name and your address
Cat, O Cat, you’d better come on home.

Oh, you can seek your fortune, nevertheless,
Remember your name and your address
Cat, O Cat, you’d better come on home.

A series of poems read by Garrison

Garrison’s Weekly Column

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Garrison Keillor (with Rich Dworsky on piano) sings “Cat, O Cat”

Watch the video here

Originally from “Mr. Keillor’s Sunday Night Service,” released in 2003 by Prairie Home Productions. Recorded live at the Beverly Arts Center of Chicago.

Buy the full DVD here

Lyrics:

My cat she pleaded and my cat she cried
For me to open the door and let her go outside
Then she sat on the lawn underneath a tree
Pretending that she couldn’t hear me.

Cat, you better come on home
I said, Cat, you better come on home
There’s dogs in the dark waiting to attack
And cat-hawks looking for a late night snack
So Cat, O Cat, you better come on home.

Cat she turned and she tossed her head
“I may or may not come,” she said
“I’m a cat who is deeply dissatisfied
I’ll let you know when I decide.

Cat, you better come on home
I said, Cat, you better come on home
I’ll close this door and lock the bolt
And you’ll spend the night in the snow and cold
So Cat, O Cat, you better come on home.

“I’d rather be a cat who meets a terrible fate
Than live with a man who don’t appreciate
That a cat is independent and a true high brow
And demands a little high-class chow
I’ve seen the food that you feed your guests
The turkey and the tuna and the chicken breasts
And do you share it with your cat? No you don’t, no way!
Not the poached perch liver paté.”

Cat, you better come on home
I said, Cat, you better come on home
I’m not about to stand here and argue with a cat
Now what would the next door neighbor think of that?
So Cat, O Cat, you better come on home.

“Well I never!” she said and arose in a huff
“You’ve seen the last of your old puff.”
She left with a “humph!” and a sardonic laugh
And she left for a year and a half
I felt so bad, full of guilt and shame
I walked around town just calling her name
With a great big plate of Chateaubriand
And some tuna fish in my hand.

Cat, I wish you’d come on home
Cat, I wish you’d come on home
Come on, old Puff, and come home with us
I got a lot of fringe benefits I’d like to discuss
Cat, O Cat, I wish you’d come on home.

I saw her six months later in a cat magazine
The number-one T.V. cat food queen
With a fat contract with a cat food firm
And her hair done up in a perm
I could tell it was Puff though this cat was wrapped
In a white mink coat and her teeth were capped
And she was lying on a beach in the south of Greece
And she’d changed her name to Clarice!

Cat, you’d better come on home
Cat, you’d better come on home
You’re a top cat now and you’re riding high
But they’ll dump you in the river when the well runs dry
Cat, O Cat, you’d better come on home.

Sure enough she came back one day last fall
She was on her last legs, she could barely crawl
With her head and her tail dragging on the ground
For she weighed about sixty-nine pounds
She looked like something the cat dragged in
With her tongue hanging out on her double chin
And great big bags underneath her eyes
And she said “It’s me, surprise!”

Cat, I’m glad you came on home
Cat, I’m glad you came on home
No need to explain, my old cat friend
I’m just glad to have you back again
Cat, O Cat, I’m glad you came on home

I picked her up like a big fur sack
She said “Easy jack, I got a salmon on my back.
I got a big salmon habit and that’s no lie
I gotta go cold turkey on the tuna fish pie.”
If other cats could only know
To hang their hats on the status quo
For the very first thing that a cat can do
Is to make all its dreams come true

Cat, you’d better come on home
Cat, you’d better come on home
If you seek your fortune, nevertheless,
Remember your name and your address
Cat, O Cat, you’d better come on home.

Oh, you can seek your fortune, nevertheless,
Remember your name and your address
Cat, O Cat, you’d better come on home.

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And it’s the birthday of author John Boyne (books by this author), born in Dublin in 1971. He knew he wanted to be a writer ever since he was about 14, and after college, where he studied literature and creative writing, he took a job at Waterstone’s bookstore in Dublin. He’d write for a few hours each morning, […]

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And it’s the birthday of author John Boyne (books by this author), born in Dublin in 1971. He knew he wanted to be a writer ever since he was about 14, and after college, where he studied literature and creative writing, he took a job at Waterstone’s bookstore in Dublin. He’d write for a few hours each morning, […]

Read More

Pricing

The cruise cabin pricing will range between $2,200 and $5,200 per person. This fare includes taxes, port and fuel, onboard cabin service charges/gratuities.   Please reserve your cabin via the EMI website

Read More

House band?

House band, led by Richard Dworsky, will include Chris Siebold, Larry Kohut, et. al. Richard Dworsky  Richard Dworsky is a versatile keyboardist/composer/recording artist/producer/music director, and is known for his amazing ability to improvise compositions on the spot in virtually any style. For 23 years (1993-2016), he served as pianist and music director for Garrison Keillor’s […]

Read More
August 25, 2001

August 25, 2001

A May 27, 2000, rebroadcast from The Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, with special guests Butch Thompson, and Kathy Mattea and her band.
Listen to the episode here

Read More
July 12, 2008

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A summertime mix of three shows from Ohio. Dusty and Lefty get stuck roping shopping carts at a strip mall opening and “the drifter” returns to Lake Wobegon.

Read More

What I saw in Vienna that the others didn’t

I was in Vienna with my wife and daughter last week and walked around the grand boulevards and plazas surrounded by imperial Habsburg grandeur feeling senselessly happy for reasons not quite clear to me but they didn’t involve alcohol. Nor paintings and statuary purchased with the sweat of working men and women. Nor the fact that to read about the daily insanity of Mr. Bluster I would need to learn German.

The sun was shining though the forecast had been for showers. I was holding hands with two women I love. There was excellent coffee in the vicinity, one had only to take deep breaths. Every other doorway seemed to be a Konditorei with a window full of cakes, tarts, pastries of all sizes and descriptions, a carnival of whipped cream and frosting, nuts and fruit. A person could easily gain fifty pounds in a single day and need to be hauled away in a wheelbarrow.

Read More

A good vacation, now time to head home

I missed out on the week our failing president, Borderline Boy, got depantsed by the news coverage of crying children he’d thrown into federal custody and a day later he ran up the white flag with another of his executive exclamations, meanwhile the Chinese are quietly tying his shoelaces together. Sad! I was in London and Prague, where nobody asks us about him: they can see that he is insane and hope he doesn’t set fire to himself with small children present.

London was an experience. I landed there feeling ill and was hauled off to Chelsea hospital where a doctor sat me down and asked, “Can you wee?” I didn’t hear the extra e so it was like he’d said, “Can she us?” or “Will they him?”

Read More

Man takes wife to Europe by ship

A man in love needs to think beyond his own needs and so I took my wife across the Atlantic last week aboard the mighty Queen Mary 2 for six days of glamor and elegance, which means little to me, being an old evangelical from the windswept prairie, brought up to eschew luxury and accept deprivation as God’s will, but she is Episcopalian and grew up in a home where her mother taught piano, Chopin and Liszt, so my wife appreciates Art Deco salons and waiters with polished manners serving her a lobster soufflé and an $18 glass of Chablis. If Cary Grant were to sit down and offer her a Tareyton, she’d hold his hand with the lighter and enjoy a cigarette with him.

Read More

A summer night in the Big Apple Blossom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More

Old man at the prom

I went to prom Saturday night at my daughter’s school, which parents all allowed to attend so long as we don’t get in the way. It was held in the gym, under the basketball hoops, boys in suits and ties, girls in prom dresses, a promenade of graduating seniors, the crowning of a king and queen, a loud rock band to discourage serious conversation.

Read More

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