Summer weather leads toward cranial relaxation and you know it and I know it. You walk out your front door into the heat and an 800-pound anvil falls out of the oak tree on your head and flattens you like a pancake. It’s the anvil you bought because it cost $150, which is a good deal for an anvil that size. You put the anvil up in the tree because you didn’t want your wife to know. You already had two anvils, and it’d be hard to explain why a man requires three. And you walk under the tree and see the chain hanging down and you’re like “What’s this?” and you yank on it and your last thought on this earth is “Oh, for dumb.” This is what 90 degrees can lead to. You go to the bus stop and a man in a yellow plaid sport coat sells you a house in Mexico for $6,000. A stucco house with a red tile roof: He shows you a picture. He swipes your credit card on his iPad and you board the bus and realize there’s no address on the deed. And it’s dated Aug. 10, 2106. And the taxidermy business he sold you along with the house, turning deceased pets into bronzed statues, how is that going to work if you can’t find the house?

Read the full column at the Washington Post’s site →