December 20, 2018
Tuesday
8:00 p.m.
Minneapolis, MN
Test schedule
A live performance with Robin and Linda Williams at the Cedar Cultural Center
May 20, 2018
Sunday
3:00 p.m.
Lexington, MA
Lexington, MA
A live performance at the Saenger Theatre
April 10, 2018
Tuesday
8:00 p.m.
Tulsa, OK
Tulsa, OK
A live performance at the Brady Theater
March 17, 2018
Saturday
8:00 p.m.
Long Beach, CA
Long Beach, CA
A live performance at the Carpenter Performing Arts Center
March 15, 2018
Thursday
7:00 p.m.
Mobile, AL
Mobile, AL
A live performance at the Saenger Theatre
I got in bad trouble in Minneapolis
My trial for mail fraud did not go well
And I have no doubt I can work it out
But meanwhile I am living in the Clover Leaf Motel.
I lost my mansionette in Golden Valley
My boat, my plane, and both my S.U.V.s
My assets are in care of the Hennepin County sheriff
Who’s selling them to pay off my liabilities.
I’m running low on funds in Minneapolis
And the temperature is around fifteen below
So I thought of friends who own a home in Arizona
Wondering could I stay there for a month or so.
Can I live with you?
Can you go my bail?
Can I spend a month or two there in Scottsdale?
I know you haven’t seen me since the 80s
And you were my ex-wife Jeannie’s dearest friends
And she probably told you all about the alcohol
And how I went 16 times back to Hazelden.
Why am I calling you, you probably wonder.
Because you are Christians, that is why.
I’m poor and needy and sinful and seedy
And in Scottsdale 74 is the forecast high.
To get back on my feet and win back Jeannie
Those are the goals I’m working toward.
I’ve tried positive psychology and the Church of Scientology
And now I’m returning to the Lord.
It’s terrible cold
I’m all alone
I’m a boll weevil looking for a home
I’m sitting here at the airport drinking coffee
They’ve forecast another winter storm
My reputation’s toast practically from coast to coast
But I’d like to make a new start someplace where it’s warm
So I’m getting on this evening flight to Phoenix
And I’m taking a little codeine for my cough
My hat is pulled down low and I got ten bucks or so
And I think I found a way to turn this ankle bracelet off.
When I get to Scottsdale I’ll be happy
And I’ll sell off the assets I’ve got.
Those tanning salons in Eau Claire, Wisconsin
And the lakeshore lots just west of Minot.
O Lord it is cold
I know I done wrong
I promise I won’t stay around too long.
It was cold and snow that turned me to the dark side
I get desperate in the wintertime
And so I lied and cheated cause I needed to be heated
Seasonal affect disorder turned me to a life of crime.
As soon as I get a million dollars
I’ll put it all in Jeannie’s little hands
And she and I will go down to Mexico
And we will resume our beautiful romance.
O Lord it is cold
This dark winter night
If I could just get warm I’ll be all right.
I used to be a Democrat but I realized
That both major parties are the same
No differences between ya and Obama was born in Kenya
And freedom is a torch, and Sarah lights my flame
I want to go home
Lord how I want to go home.