December 20, 2018
Tuesday
8:00 p.m.
Minneapolis, MN
Test schedule
A live performance with Robin and Linda Williams at the Cedar Cultural Center
May 20, 2018
Sunday
3:00 p.m.
Lexington, MA
Lexington, MA
A live performance at the Saenger Theatre
April 10, 2018
Tuesday
8:00 p.m.
Tulsa, OK
Tulsa, OK
A live performance at the Brady Theater
March 17, 2018
Saturday
8:00 p.m.
Long Beach, CA
Long Beach, CA
A live performance at the Carpenter Performing Arts Center
March 15, 2018
Thursday
7:00 p.m.
Mobile, AL
Mobile, AL
A live performance at the Saenger Theatre
I made breakfast this morning,
Oatmeal and fresh fruit
And saw a story in the paper
Said oatmeal’s in disrepute
And fresh fruit has more sugar
Than an ice cream malt
Things I did were bad for my kid
And it’s all my fault
It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault
Scientific studies show
I dropped the ball
The fruit is full of sugar
The oatmeal high in salt
Things I did were bad for my kid
And it’s all my fault
Every other day
A new study comes long
That says you’re a terrible parent,
And everything you did was wrong.
You fed them whole grains and soybeans
But they contain hormones
And sugar and salt and it’s all your fault
You should have known
It’s all your fault
You should have known
Your child can lose brain cells
From a mobile telephone
Texting is hazardous too
It breaks your child’s gestalt
And you’re the one responsible
It’s all your fault
You gave your children Vitamin C
It seemed like a good idea
But it can cause insomnia,
Kidney stones, diarrhea
Instead of Coke, you gave ‘em apple juice,
Grape juice and sometimes both,
And studies are conclusive that your use of
Apple juice stunted their growth.
Shame on you, shame on you
All that cheese in their arteries
Like lumps of glue
You fed them everything natural
And locally-grown
But now in a panic you find that organic
Can be bad too
That laptop sitting on your lap
Affects male fertility
Soybeans stimulate estrogen
Deodorant leads to senility
Antioxidants mess up your kidneys
Running is bad for your knees
For things you did you owe your kids
Apologies
Shame on you, shame on you
Things you’ve been doin’ led to their ruin
And made them blue
Teflon is highly hazardous
Sunshine is bad too
Your carelessness made your kids a mess
And shame on you